++ Heart Written ++

If I had the courage to write you a letter, this is what I would have written.

I may have grown up wishing that I had more. I may have grown up asking for unreasonable things, that you could not provide. I may have said hurtful things back then. I don’t know, but if I did, I want to apologise and tell you that you have done more than what anyone else can do.

As time goes by, I have come to learn what sacrifice you have made in order to bring us this far. When things got tough, you did not abandon us. Instead you sacrificed your ambition in order to nurture us, despite the limitations. I have watched silently, as you face the harsh reality and have your expectation be shattered to pieces. I know, how much you have regretted all these circumstances, and yet you remain where we are for our sake. You know, I wish my lips could utter these words to you, “Let’s get out of here.” But nay, I have not had the courage to say them. I fear that by uttering these words, I will become a bad person. But then again, maybe my not saying it, is the reason you have endured so much.

It is still ingrained into my memory, when you said you wished you could have given us more. But really, you have given more than what you could have. Now I notice how you try making us happy by buying us the finer things in life later on. I can only say, a child I no longer am. Maybe back then I said I wanted this and that. But really, now I desire nothing of materialistic nature. I am content with what I have. I may not have the luxury, but I am quite fine with living a modest lifestyle. I understand that you have the instinct to give us something as an expression of love, to make us happy. Still, my happiness depends not on all these materialistic things. I am happy as long as you are happy. I am happy if you can ever find within you, a sense of peace – something that I suspect you have not had for the longest time.

All I want to say, is that you have done enough for us. I am content with what I have, and what I have saved up for the future. On that note, maybe you feel that I need more so that I can be happy, but rest assured that is not the case. Please have faith that I can take charge of my own life, and that I make my decision based on what (I think) is best for me. You may neither agree nor see the worth in my dreams, but please know that without these dreams I will feel ‘hollow’ and ‘meaningless’ – that is not something that you want your beloved one to feel, is it? Also, you often say that I can be more beautiful by doing such and such thing, which in turn will attract more people. Thing is, I would like to believe that I am beautiful the way I am now. I understand I am a woman of imperfection and faults, but that does not mean I should try to mould myself to fit in the ‘beauty’ stereotype. And I would like to believe, that I can feel beautiful because someone loves me for who I am, and not I am loved by someone because I look beautiful. So have more confidence in me, and I shall have more confidence in myself.

Once again, I want you to know that I am content with my life...